I am back here, again.
Tired, worried, scared, not understanding, doubting, and scared about doubting.
Worse still, I don't want to feel this way.
I want to be happy. I want to thank God for today, a day that marks my entry into this world.
I want to appreciate this Holy week. I want to feel the joy of Easter.
I really do.
But I am not. And I am scared that I might not make it back this time.
That I may not feel that joy of salvation again.

I am too weak.
Too weak, Lord.
I need You.
​
You are not the bad guy here, Lord.
I am. Somehow, I must be doing something wrong.
I must be...no, I know I am doing something wrong.
I am holding on.
To everything but You.

But I wanna hold You, Daddy.
Jesus, I want You.
Will You help me?