I don't understand. It's all a lot more than what I thought. a lot more overwhelming than I thought. I am overwhelmed by the complexity of human emotions, interactions and situations. I promise, I am not trying to sound smart. It's just a lot. I thought I had life figured out. Love God and He will figure everything out. I guess it is easy to think that when everything is going the way you think it should. I have loved God. I still do. I guess I just don't understand. Why it couldn't be simpler. Why can't the promise come when I expect it to? Why can't i get my good news when everyone else is getting theirs? I hear the Lord telling me, "Because it won't be to My greatest glory." Well, Lord, I get that. I do. It's just hard to hold on, when you are not sure there is anything to hold onto. And I do not want to feel that way. Because I know what You are doing. I know You love me and only act in my best interest. It's just hard to feel otherwise when it feels like nothing ever comes easy for me and mine. I had this idea for March. It was Our month, You know? The month of the Trinity. The month Ronke came into this world. But it is the 17th day, and I am just not seeing it. I was so excited, and I hate that I am not anymore. Because You deserve my excitement. I'm sorry, Lord. I really am. You are the best. And though I don't understand, i choose to trust You. Because I chose You then, and i am choosing You now. Help me keep the faith.