I don't understand.
It's all a lot more than what I thought. a lot more overwhelming than I thought.
I am overwhelmed by the complexity of human emotions, interactions and situations. I promise, I am not trying to sound smart. It's just a lot.
I thought I had life figured out. Love God and He will figure everything out. 
I guess it is easy to think that when everything is going the way you think it should.
I have loved God. I still do. I guess I just don't understand. Why it couldn't be simpler.
Why can't the promise come when I expect it to? Why can't i get my good news when everyone else is getting theirs?
I hear the Lord telling me, "Because it won't be to My greatest glory."
Well, Lord, I get that. I do. It's just hard to hold on, when you are not sure there is anything to hold onto.
And I do not want to feel that way. Because I know what You are doing. I know You love me and only act in my best interest. It's just hard to feel otherwise when it feels like nothing ever comes easy for me and mine.
I had this idea for March. It was Our month, You know? The month of the Trinity. The month Ronke came into this world.  But it is the 17th day, and I am just not seeing it. 
I was so excited, and I hate that I am not anymore. Because You deserve my excitement. 
I'm sorry, Lord. I really am. You are the best. And though I don't understand, i choose to trust You. Because I chose You then, and i am choosing You now.
Help me keep the faith.