For a few days now, I have not been able to feel it. I am talking about me and Jesus. I still love Him. He still loves me. Nothing has really changed, in essentials. But I feel like a zombie - like this helpless waiting has finally killed me. I can't feel anything. Like an extended out-of-body experience, I notice everything happening. I might even smile and laugh at the appropriate times, and then...nothing. I am trying not to feel this way, but then I feel like I should not be trying - I should be praying, instead. But then I don't know what to say. Because I am mad. Why is it taking so long? Why can't I have it now? Why can't You make me want it only when I can have it? Not before, not after? I don't understand. Then I realize that I don't want to understand. I know You have a good reason. I just don't want to wait. I don't want to watch my loved ones wait, with fear and doubt at every corner, ready to jump in as soon as our guards are down.
But I also want to wait, because I know that if waiting is what You want for me right now, then it is the best for me.
Lord, I am so confused. I love You. I do. So what can I do?
WAITING is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I hate waiting, and patience is not my strong suit.