I fill up so quickly, dear dialog.
I...I get so harried because I want, I want, I want.
Because I...I know, I know, I know what I want.
I get so scattered. I get so confused. I get so generally discontented that I cannot find a word in the English or Yoruba dictionary to adequately capture how I am feeling.
But Jesus remains my Still.
I try not to worry about the things I can't control. Because I know I won't end up on the streets with God as my Father.
But it gets hard not to wonder. My life will be a lot easier, I tell God, if You just took this away.
But wondering leads to nowhere but my head. And I end up feeling so frustrated and harried and scattered like I want to slow down and speed up at the same time.
But Jesus remains my Still.
The quiet moment I just had with Him a few moments ago - where I could feel Him giving me the biggest bear hug - fills me with so much peace.
And all the blech just doesn't seem as overwhelming, as frustrating, as filling as they did an hour ago.
​I can't find my fill - the one that fulfills me, the one that makes me the me I want to be - in scrolling through Instagram, or a good romance book, or a great movie, or gisting with my loved ones.
I find my fill in You. In that Quiet Smile. In those Beautiful Eyes. In those Comforting Arms.
I find me in You, my Heart Whisperer.
Yes, I fill up so quickly. But I dang sure hope it is with You.
What can I say? As long as I have You... (Psalm 73:25, Romans 8:31)